Brazil’s Rest Struggle: Why We Need It Most

In November 2021, a woman with autoimmune issues experienced a flare-up. Her doctor could not determine whether rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia was the cause, but the achiness and fatigue made it clear that something was wrong. She woke up tired, needed naps, and often ran out of spoons—a term from Christine Miserandino’s essay “The Spoon Theory,” which describes the limited energy many people with chronic conditions face. Her body was demanding rest, but she found it extremely difficult to actually rest.

She described sitting down to watch a show and trying to multitask, or putting off a nap like a stubborn child. Instead of resting, she tried to push through to finish an email or move laundry. Even with her body and brain crying out for rest, she struggled to allow herself to do it. She had to reparent herself, enforcing stopping times and rest periods.

In the Western world, especially in the United States, people are programmed to be productive. From a young age, they are conditioned to stay busy. They hear phrases like “I’ll rest when I’m dead” and “no rest for the weary.” They are told to “pay their dues” and “put in the work.” Even if they avoid direct messages about staying busy, they learn by watching the people in their lives. They see parents come home from work with groceries, fix dinner, and do more tasks. They are made to feel wrong if they answer “nothing” when asked what they are doing.

Rest does not only mean sleep, though sleep is a large part of it. It includes sitting comfortably and doing not much of anything. It could mean listening to music, watching TV, meditating, working on a puzzle, reading, or journaling. In the fall, as she struggled with her autoimmune flare, she realized she should rest more. She had become so used to overriding her body’s signals that she did not realize how far she had pushed herself. When she checked how her mind and body truly felt, she was shocked to find they were almost buckling, on the edge of collapse.

She had waited until she was unable to do many tasks at all. A good day might have involved a single load of laundry or cooking dinner. She was so fixated on staying busy that she could no longer assess her need for busyness honestly. She had lost the ability to tune into her body to find out if it needed movement or sleep. If she had continued pushing, she is certain she would have fallen ill. She was already dealing with brain fog, fatigue, and joint and muscle pain.

She cleared her calendar for at least three weeks. She cleared work appointments, scheduled brief blog posts and emails, and took time off. At first, it was torture. Her husband was still working, modeling proper behavior. She discovered she was incapable of just resting. She had to relearn how to listen to her body to discover what it needed. She had to reprogram her thoughts about rest as an inherent right, not a reward for productivity. She also had to learn how to actually do it.

She did all the forms of rest, from naps to puzzles to sitting quietly. It was ridiculously difficult. She had to force herself to single-task, doing one task at a time. When watching a TV show, her inner monologue would chastise her for “just sitting there” and urge her to be productive. She sometimes sat on her hands to avoid picking up her phone or a crossword puzzle. She often put her phone on silent and left it in another room to reduce temptation. Even with these steps, she did not always manage to single-task, but she learned that nothing important was likely to arise in an hour or two.

She realized she was retraining her nervous system to allow itself to relax. It was so used to being alert that resting took some getting used to. When she started to budget rest into her days, she could more easily tell what signals her body was sending. It became easier to check in with her brain and body to find out how they were feeling and what they needed. Now, at any given moment, she can pause, tap into what she is feeling mentally and physically, and act on her own needs in ways that are more nurturing than before.

When she loses focus on a project, she no longer pushes through. Instead, she pauses and checks in. She can quickly tell whether she needs a simple break, to walk around, to go outdoors, or to stop for the day. She is learning to embrace the idea that rest is an inherent right, not something that needs to be earned. It is no longer something that occurs only after she has pushed herself to collapse. The more she leans into rest and builds it into her days, the more energy she has to accomplish the things she wants to get done in life. When she adds time off or breaks during the day, she has better focus when working. When she includes rest in her days, she has the energy to exercise in the morning and make a good meal for dinner.